ACT I, scene ii, p2

PAN we are far from home, much has changed, sire. Sit, I will explain.

[RANDOLPH seats himself back among the CHORUS. LIONEL emerges from his position passed out behind the bar. He stares at the scene before him.]

LIONEL what in god’s name happened here?

PAN T’was quite a night-

LIONEL you’re joking – Looks like I feel

PAN who fancies a drink?

[he starts mixing drinks. LIONEL, tidying up suddenly spots RANDOLPH’s appendage]

LIONEL what the fuck is that!

RANDOLPH Eh?

LIONEL That thing’s a fucking bayonet!

PAN hair of the goat that bit you?

LIONEL no – I couldn’t possibly.

PAN invigorating! You sure you won’t-

LIONEL just get this place tidied up before the old lady gets here alright? Oh fuck-

[LIONEL runs to the pot of stew and ejects the contents of his stomach loudly]

PAN Breakfast?

[enter Katie from upstairs]

KATIE what the fuck are you lot doing down here?

PAN we are but shaking off the dregs of night, madam.

KATIE are you now? Well fuck off and do it somewhere else. We’re closed.

RANDOLPH My companion and I will be gone soon, if I may oblige some of your hospitality unto my wealth?

KATIE oh – it’s you.

RANDOLPH a few moments are enough

KATIE well as you’re a guest of the house I’m of a mind to allow. And you? What’re you doing down there?

LIONEL I’m not- I

KATIE well don’t. Clean this shit up. Quick smart. Get some air through, we’ll have the lunch crowd in before you know it. And fix that sign like I told you. Right? Hop to it before I cut you into little pieces for next week’s special.

LIONEL you bet

KATIE I don’t bet, I fucking know. Chop chop! [exit]